Disclaimer: This is the real me. No “Christianese” language… just pure thoughts. Take me or leave me.
Dating as a 40-something adult is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done. Life is oh so complicated now. The married person thinks, “If only I could date again!” Married people sometimes forget to continue to pursue each other and the feeling of being wanted every day turns into mundane, “I love you, honey.” Oh how I wish with all my heart to be able to have that “I love you, honey” and to experience the security of knowing that however crazy I may feel – he’s in it with me and will love me until the craziness passes and beyond.
My complications with dating at this age can be reduced to one major topic – FRIENDS. You see, I figured out in my thirties that women can be so cruel to each other. Women are nice to your face… but they have the tendency to stab you in the back. Why is this? We should be cheering each other on! But alas… the women of the world continue in vicious cycles. So, it makes sense that my best and closest friends would be of the male persuasion. This, I’ve discovered, makes dating complicated.
The complication is the fact that if my friends are male… then you can surely expect the people I date to have female friends for the same reason. Oooooh… yes. This complicates everything! Remember how cruel females can be to each other? (Apparently men are oblivious to this fact.) So… let’s say I date a man who’s best friends are female? (… and how could I not in this day and age?) I now am not just dating a hottie… but I now have to deal with his female friends as well. How icky is that?
What even further complicates the matter is the fact that I cannot have a double standard. It’s just not fair. Remember when I said that some of my closest friends are male? Well… how fair is it to my significant other that my best of friends are male? Yep! He has to deal with my already established friendships as well. I do not wish my conundrum upon anyone single person, although I know there are plenty experiencing the same heartaches as me.
Now let’s add a little personal history in the mix. I was once engaged to a man who could not let his previous friendship go. (Yes, he was intimate with this woman.) I felt like a crazy person in this relationship. I turned into a jealous stalker. I was suspicious of every move and I needed to know every activity and a timeline of events for his every day of living. I was not able to face reality and just end it. I wanted to marry this person… I was “in loooooove!” The ending was horrible. I cried so violently that I hyperventilated. Nice, eh?
Years later… I think I’m okay. I haven’t been a crazy woman since… until now. I met a guy who’s really cool. He is an extravert, kind, quirky, motivational, funny, and superly big-hearted. We both absolutely love photography and are learning about the hobby together. We laugh easily together, we snuggle well, and we get along so very well. So, what does his personality mean to our relationship? He has lots of friends. Okay… stop for a second – I mean LOTS OF FRIENDS. And just like me, his best friends are WOMEN. So I think I’m good, right? I’ve dated quite a few people… I haven’t been a crazy woman in years… I’m really enjoying discovering this guy… and wouldn’t you know it? CRAZY WOMAN SHOWS UP.
So the women in his life… well… Do I adopt them? Do I love them? What do I do with them? Do I need to do anything with them? Why don’t they want to be my friends? Common you guys… I know that many of you have the same issues!
So I’m doing my best to get rid of Crazy Woman, but I fear that I’m not doing a very good job. I’ve researched jealousy, I’ve done homework, and I’ve self-reflected until I want to puke. The conclusion that I’m coming to is that I don’t feel secure in my relationship with Mr. Hottie. Do I feel like the most important woman in his life? No. Do I feel like he’s trying to win my heart? No. Let’s just face reality here. How much time is enough time to let Mr. Hottie figure out if he loves me? Why am I making such a big deal out of this entire thing? And what will it take for Crazy Woman to go away?
I’m not sure if Mr. Hottie is committed enough to help me get rid of Crazy Woman. If he is… he’s worth hanging on to.
For a very long time.
… and this would be a good thing.
Stay tuned… the rest of my dating saga will eventually be played out. Until then, know that you are not the only one with Miss or Mr. Crazy hanging over your head.
Let me know what you think or tell me your story.